


Here We Go Again

by Sweets_Thief



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: It happens, M/M, Patricide, it's not really slow burn it's more like, mutual bonding through patricide, the feelings were already there and then boom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:30:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8802769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweets_Thief/pseuds/Sweets_Thief
Summary: Kylo Ren doesn't know to deal with the feelings brought on by Han Solo's death. Snoke decides to send him to General Hux to find out how to deal with family murder.**Last Chapter Posted**





	1. Why Can't I Just Forget You?

**Author's Note:**

> So I have fallen into Kylux pretty hard lmao and this is one of three fics i have planned for them 
> 
> while listening to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNJFR4rtpjE) by Bullet For My Valentine I wondered what it would be like if Hux had actually killed his father, and then had to support Kylo after he killed Han. 
> 
> ((the title and the chapter titles are lyrics from the song, Venom. It's sort of my unofficial song for this fic :L))

 

 

Kylo’s mind was loud and overactive, something that Snoke found annoying and distracting. The Starkiller Base had been destroyed, Kylo had killed his father to fully accept the Dark Side and the Resistance believed they had the First Order running with their tail between their legs. Snoke had to rethink his strategy, something he had General Hux doing under his strict supervision, as the General had already failed him once. Kylo was another matter. He needed to complete his training, but with his mind in turmoil as it had been since he had killed Han Solo, it would be difficult.

Snoke had to repress a sigh and shifted so Kylo’s attention moved to him. He was wearing his mask, which was hiding his expression but Snoke could feel all his emotions, as though his barriers had all been let down so his mind was an open book.

“You will report to General Hux and tell him what happened.” Snoke ordered, his deep voice reverberating through the room.

Kylo frowned. “Supreme Leader?”

“Report to General Hux. Tell him you killed your father. He will understand what my orders mean when you do.” Snoke repeated roughly. “And do it soon, Lord Ren. I cannot finish your training if you carry on like this.”

Kylo was not impressed, but he nodded and swept from the room. Snoke watched him leave with narrowed eyes.

\--

Hux was in his quarters, sitting at his desk and working through reports. He had been awake for days, but the destruction of Starkiller pushed him forward to achieve exactly what Snoke wanted from him. His eyes itching with tiredness, Hux shook his head and sipped from his fifth cup of coffee of the last four hours, swiping through his Datapad swiftly.

A knock at his door made him jump, his senses subdued because of how tired he was. Standing Hux moved to the door and unlocked it so it would slide open. He immediately regretted it. Kylo was stood there, his mask and dark robes in place, shifting from foot to foot as he stared at Hux.

“What do you want?” Hux snapped, “I’m busy.”

“The Supreme Leader sent me.” Kylo replied. His tone betrayed the fact that he did not want to be there, but had come on Snoke’s orders, and Hux huffed, but stepped aside to allow Kylo into his room. It wasn’t his first time in there, but Hux liked to keep it secret from the crew, including Kylo.

“What are his new orders?” Hux asked, sitting back behind his desk as Kylo stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. “He could have summoned me and told my himself.”

“There are not orders for you.” Kylo said, “Nothing direct. Apparently you’ll understand.”

Hux raised an eyebrow, folding his arms on the desk and leaning back to scrutinise Kylo. Since they had escaped from Starkiller and Kylo had recovered from his rooms there had been something off about him. They weren’t exactly close, but Hux prided himself on his keen eye, and he could tell when something was off about the Force user. He had no idea what had happened to Kylo whilst he had been searching for the Scavenger and the traitorous Storm Trooper, only that he had been severely injured and seemingly bested in battle, which Snoke had not approved of. What is it that the Supreme Leader had hoped Hux could help Kylo with, and why did he believe that he would actually do so?

“Spit it out,” Hux said after Kylo didn’t seem to be about to talk. “I don’t have all day.”

Kylo reached up before he spoke to unclasp and remove his helmet. Hux entwined his fingers in front of him, shifting to hide his surprise at Kylo’s sudden actions. He was never one for removing his helmet, especially around Hux. Kylo grabbed a chair and moved it to the other side of Hux’s desk, much to the chagrin of the General.

“The Supreme Leader has ordered me to explain to you what happened during the destruction of Starkiller.” Kylo continued to explain, his voice low. Hux shifted again. Kylo’s voice without his mask was deep and soothing, although his words were shaky now, most likely due to his tumultuous emotions. Hux was not Force-sensitive, but he didn’t need to be to see Kylo’s problems. “That you would understand what you wanted of him, and what to do.”

“Get on with it.” Hux ordered again, ignoring Kylo’s explanation. “What happened?”

“Han Solo was there.” Kylo began, his brown eyes watching Hux for a reaction.

Hux stayed neutral, his green eyes meeting with Kylo’s brown without any reaction at all. Kylo didn’t seem surprised and carried on speaking.

“He was working with the Resistance to help destroy Starkiller. He approached me, and tried to bring me back to the Light side.” Kylo paused, struggling with his words for a moment and Hux guessed exactly what was coming next. He took up his cup of coffee, and drank from it so he could hide his face from Kylo. “I killed him.”

It was such a sudden admission it surprised Hux despite his guess, and he gripped his coffee mug so hard it shattered in his hand. Kylo jumped as well, his eyes going wide.

“…Hux?” He asked, looking from Hux’s now bloody hand to the ginger man’s shocked face.

“You killed Han Solo?” Hux questioned, his voice unusually calm despite his expression. “Your father? Of course the Supreme Leader would send you to me! What does he expect, that I can give you a crash course on how to deal with that?!” His voice grew slowly more distressed and he stood from behind his desk to pace, a clear sign of building stress.

“What do you mean?” Kylo pressed, standing as well, uncomfortable at Hux’s reaction.

Hux stopped pacing and turned to look at Kylo, his lips shaking. “Why don’t I tell you a story?” He said suddenly, “That’s clearly what the Supreme Leader wanted. Sit down Ren.”

Kylo found himself obeying Hux’s order, sinking back into his chair and Hux came round the desk to perch on the edge of it. “I’m sure you remember the news of my father dying a few years ago?” Hux began.

Kylo nodded.

“Well, it was my fault.” Hux stated firmly, his green eyes boring into Kylo.

\--

_The Finalizer was his, Hux thought, as he stood at the viewing point and looked out into space. He had been amongst the stars a lot of his life, and the view always comforted him. His crew were completely dedicated to him, no one questioned his authority, except for Kylo Ren, but Hux didn’t spare him a thought very often. His chest swelled with pride for himself. He was not weak, or a coward, or useless. If his father could see him now, he would surely agree._

_“General.” A voice said and Hux turned to find Mitaka looking at him. “There’s a been a call request for you. In your office.”_

_“Very well.” Hux nodded, reluctantly leaving the view point and striding through the halls to his office. He barely passed any of the crew, they didn’t wander the hallways of the ship without good reason, as they had been taught. His office was not far away, so when Hux arrived he was just in time for another call coming through. Sitting himself down he answered the hologram call and his heart nearly stopped beating when he saw who it was._

_“Armitage.” Brendol Hux’s gruff voice still had the same effect it had done when Hux had been a child. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to reply, but his mind had jarred to a halt. How could this man contact him? Why was he? What did he want? What had he done wrong? “Don’t just stare at me, boy.” Brendol snapped, “Answer me.”_

_“Father.” Hux forced himself to speak on his father’s order, “Welcome to the Finalizer.”_

_“Yes.” Brendol sniffed, “It looks good. What I can see of it. You’ve got your own office. I’m not surprised, you always needed a safe space like the weakling you are.”_

_“I’m not-.”_

_“Don’t interrupt, Armitage, I’m not finished yet.” Brendol said fiercely and Hux fell silent immediately, his heart beating wildly. Why did his father still strike fear into him? He was stronger now, he had the entire First Order at his fingertips, he was a confident to Supreme Leader Snoke, who provided the dark power that the First Order needed. He was the youngest General of the Order, and the one with the most power. His father had no power over him anymore. And yet Hux felt like he was five again and being chastised for failing a test. “I want you to come and see me. I know it won’t be easy for you to get time as…as General. But they can’t be at too much of a loss without you, I’m sure it’s just a title they’ve given you to placate you. Oh Armitage, I want you to come to me so we celebrate.”_

_“Celebrate my fake title?” Hux asked bitterly, regretting his words almost immediately. Brendol’s expression changed and Hux flinched as the hologram moved. His father couldn’t hurt it. It didn’t stop Hux from being afraid of it._

_“Just come and see me.” Brendol ordered, “Now.”_

_The call ended and Hux relaxed, kicking himself for reacting the way he had. His father did not have power over him anymore, he thought over and over, his father couldn’t hurt him. And he had hurt him too much. He needed to be shown that you couldn’t mess with a General of the First Order, whatever your relation to them. His mind steeled again before he stepped out of his office, Hux went to contact the Supreme Leader to request leave._

_\--_

_Brendol’s office made Hux feel sick. It hadn’t change from when he was a child, except for a few more trinkets on the shelves. His father was nowhere to be seen, and Hux was glad of that. He needed some time to build himself up for the meeting. He had poured himself a glass of whiskey, and had prepared one for his father as well, but his father’s had an extra ingredient. Before coming to the house he had barely seen as a child in the Academy, Hux had researched fast acting poisons and had made a discreet stop before finally going home. Brendol’s hold over him was going to end, and it was going to end today. Hux was a General of the First Order, and fear of his father would only hold him back. Leaders were not cowards._

_The door opened and Brendol opened. He looked unimpressed that Hux had allowed himself into his office, but happy at the drink he had been prepared._

_“So I see your time away hasn’t changed you that much.” He said._

_Hux frowned. The veiled insults had begun. He hadn’t realised what they had been when he was a child, but he had mastered the art of it himself now and it was easy to interpret what his father actually meant. He was still weak and useless in his father’s eyes._

_“What are we celebrating with father?” He asked, swallowing the anger he was feeling in favour of a neutral tone._

_“These drinks are a good start.” Brendol said, picking up his own and swilling it around before downing it in one._

_Hux watched him, walking back around his father’s desk and idly picking up one of the many trinkets of his shelves. Brendol followed him, and when Hux sensed his presence behind him he went tense and nearly dropped what he was holding. Brendol smiled, Hux could tell, he was smiling for the power he held over his son still even when he was an adult._

_“So the First Order gave you a ship?” He asked casually, plucking the trinket from Hux’s hand and setting it down._

_“I designed and had the Finalizer built, yes.” Hux corrected him, turning and staring at him. “As my Flagship as General.”_

_“Hmm.” Came the reply._

_No congratulations, no pride, nothing but disappointment. Hux could have been better, higher in command, with a better ship and a better job, he could always have been better in his father’s eyes, but that was soon to end. Brendol’s eyes had glazed over, and his hands were shaking. The whiskey glass fell to the ground and rolled over the thick carpet. The man stumbled back from Hux, eyes widening as he seemed to realise what had happened. Hux watched, calm, as his father fell to the floor, clutching his throat as it constricted and his breath cut out. Was this how Ren felt when he used the Force to choke his victims, Hux wondered. He could kill someone without even touching them, much like a poison did, and it was an incredibly intoxicating feeling._

_Brendol collapsed onto his back, twitching, before eventually going still. Hux still watched, wondering if that was it. He had wanted to make his father suffer, but he had also wanted to spend as little time with him as possible. He released a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding when it hit him that he had just killed his father. Brendol Hux, once a big name, sure to leave a legend behind him when he was discovered, was dead by his hands. Hux was free._

_He stumbled to the desk and set his glass down, hands clenching into fists as soon as they were free. His breathing was growing erratic, from panic or triumph Hux couldn’t tell, but he needed to calm down. Having a panic attack after murdering his father wasn’t ideal. There was a rustle of fabric behind him and Hux froze, too scared to turn around. It was just death throes, he told himself, it happens._

_A heavy footstep hit the floor and Hux jumped. Death throes, his mind screamed, but the familiar and overwhelming presence of Brendol Hux was behind him and Hux barely had time to react when his father’s hand wrapped around his throat. He turned in the grip, loose at first due to the poison, but strong enough to trap his airway._

_Brendol didn’t look surprised, only disappointed. He was always disappointed. “You thought you could poison me, Armitage?” He asked, his voice a little hoarse, “I’m disappointed. There isn’t a poison out there I’m not immune to. I have trained myself to be so, as I have a lot of enemies. I didn’t expect one to come from within.”_

_His hands tightened and Hux gasped. His right hand came up to grapple with his father’s fingers, prying at them to try and release his throat, to no avail. His left hand scrabbled on the desk to find something, anything, he could use to fend the man off._

_Brendol squeezed again. “Ever since your mother abandoned you with me I’ve wanted to do this.” He hissed, “I only kept you because my wife couldn’t have children. Had she given me a child, you’d have been sold, or killed, because you wouldn’t have been needed. Not that I needed you for a son anyway. Always a disappointment to me, always weak and useless in all ways. You never could excel the way I wanted to. It’s your mother’s blood, tainting you from being a perfect Hux.”_

_Hux’s mind rebelled against his father’s words, his eyes growing teary as he thought of his mother. He had never known her, she had died when he was young and Brendol had never mentioned her. Hux wasn’t allowed to mention her and over time he had filed away his feelings for her and focused on what was important. But he had always loved her. His father’s cruelty had left him imagining a mother that was kind and loving, someone that would have protected him if she could have done. If there was any weakness in him it was down to Brendol._

_Anger flooded him and Hux’s eyes blazed suddenly with renewed vigour and anger. His hand found a letter opener on the desk and suddenly he was thankful that Brendol loved tradition for opening paper. Without aiming, without thinking, just striking with military precision, Hux sank the small knife deep into his father’s eye socket, right through to the brain. Brendol gave a strange, strangled noise and his hands fell away from Hux’s neck. Hux fell to the floor, gasping and gulping in air, his whole body shaking at how close he had come to death, to failure. His left hand was stained with blood._

_A thud echoed through the room as Brendol collapsed to the floor a second time. This time he wouldn’t be getting back up, Hux decided grimly. Launching himself at his father he ripped the letter opener from his face and brought it down again and again. He thought of every mean thing, every hit, every single bit of torture his father had put him through during childhood and attacked in frenzy. Blood spurted, covering him when hit vital organs, veins and arteries, stabbing his father so many times when he finally fell to the side in exhaustion the blood made it impossible to tell who Brendol was. Hux was covered as well, and he felt sick at the metallic smell. Brendol drew a small, gurgling breath and then went still..._

_\--_

Hux trailed off speaking, his hands shaking again as he retold the tale of how he had been the one to kill Brendol Hux. Kylo had sat silently through the story, the shock clearly written on his face. Hux had never told anyone about the abuse he had suffered at his father’s hands, of his need to prove himself, of the fact that he had murdered him. Looking back on the situation, Hux believed that Snoke had known what he was going to do and had allowed him to take the leave to further his intentions to rule the Galaxy.

“You…killed your father too?” Kylo finally spoke. Hux glanced at him. It was obvious now why he wore a mask, his emotions were too plain to see without it. He looked too young, too nice, too _soft_ , Hux thought.

“It was a different situation.” He sniffed, pushing his emotions at the memories down and bringing his sneer back into place, “Had my father been different I wouldn’t have killed him. Exactly what the Supreme Leader wants to accomplish here, I fail to see.”

“I think I know.” Kylo said quietly, “He wanted me to see that it was normal. For those that want to rule the Galaxy using the Dark Side, sacrifices have to be made.”

“That’s what you got from my story?” Hux asked sceptically. “I didn’t sacrifice my father to further my transition into the Dark Side. I killed him to free myself of his influence over me, his determination to make me think that I was weak, useless, a failure.”

“My father had influence over me too!” Kylo shouted, standing suddenly and seemingly towering over Hux. He felt the atmosphere in the room change, as if Kylo had tapped into his powers, but he wasn’t afraid. Hux was done being afraid. “Dragging me forever towards the Light, trying to disrupt the plans I have. The plans…we have.”

“We?”

“They are our plans Hux.” Kylo confirmed, “We have the same goals.”

“I want to become the leader of the Galaxy.” Hux said, “To bring order to all life. You…know nothing about order, Ren.”

“I can bring order for you, through fear.” Kylo disagreed, “People won’t dare disobey you.”

Hux froze momentarily and Kylo frowned as his overactive mind projected a thought directly into Kylo’s. _“You will not disobey me again, Armitage.”_

“You won’t be like your father.” Kylo murmured, his voice suddenly soft, “You will be a better man.”

“I already am.” Hux spat, “I already am better than him! Now, if you’re quite done trying to correlate how our father’s murders are the same, I would appreciate it if you would leave.”

Kylo said nothing and turned to the door. His mind was in overdrive, still tumultuous for a different reason. For what purpose had Snoke sent him to Hux, except to find out that the man he worked with on a daily basis had also killed his father. Hux still worked perfectly well despite the battling emotions inside him. Kylo had always been able to sense them, and Hux had always had an overactive and loud mind. For years he had fought different emotions as he had worked and had always strove to prove himself. The story had explained everything to Kylo, but it didn’t settle his own feelings about Han Solo.

Shaking his head, Kylo stalked through the corridors of the Finalizer to his own rooms, in dire room to find some peace and quiet from Hux’s mind. He was still attached to it, Kylo realised, still listening to Hux’s thoughts and seeing the bloodstained General lying on the floor beside his father’s body. Hux was thinking over and over to himself that it was justified, that his father had deserved it, that he shouldn’t blame himself but Kylo could feel the underlying feeling that it was all Hux’s fault for being selfish, for being weak and for being a failure. Pulling his mind out of Hux’s consciousness Kylo stumbled a little. Snoke could not have anticipated this. He was clever but not that clever. He had excepted Hux to explain he had killed his father and tell Kylo how to deal with the emotions. Instead something had passed between them as Hux had shared his story and Kylo found himself wanting to hear more.

It was only when he got back to his rooms that he realised he had left his mask with Hux.


	2. I'm Giving Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo tries to help, but ends up helping himself more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking two more chapters whilst Hux and Kylo try and sort out their feelings :L they're dumb at this though.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all the hits and kudos and bookmarks!!!! It means a lot that you guys like this /o/

 

 

The General had been in a bad mood when Kylo had left, but he was loathe to walk around the ship without his mask. The majority of the crew hadn’t seen his face and Kylo wanted to keep it that way, so he walked carefully and quietly back to Hux’s rooms. The door slid open without resistance, clearly the man had forgotten to lock it when Kylo had left. Kylo stepped gingerly inside, hoping he could grab his mask and leave without Hux realising he was there, but he stopped when he realised the rooms were empty. Standing in the doorway Kylo stood still, wondering where Hux had gone. His thoughts were interrupted by a hitched breath, making Kylo jumped.

Stepping forward Kylo carefully walked around Hux’s desk and found the General crouched on the floor, his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking and in the close proximity Kylo could see hear his gasping, painful breaths, breaking with sobs as the General tried to calm himself down. Hux was hyperventilating, panicking, hiding himself away despite the calm exterior he had shown when Kylo had left. Kylo reached out gently with the Force to probe the edges of Hux’s mind. His thoughts were turned to Brendol Hux and he was terrified. Kylo stepped back, wondering if it was better for him to leave the General alone to deal with his emotions. His leg bumped into the table and it scraped back slightly on the floor, causing Hux to jump and look up. Wide, teary green eyes met Kylo’s concerned brown ones and Kylo could tell that Hux was trying to plaster his usual sneer onto his face but failing.

“What are you doing?!” He shouted, forcing himself to stand on shaky legs. Kylo couldn’t bring himself to reply, too surprised. He had seen Hux display a range of emotions but he had never seen the General cry and he seemed more human now than he had before. “Get out, Ren!”

Hux’s voice brought Kylo back to the current situation and instead of leaving he reached out with the Force again, pushing a soothing feeling into Hux’s head instead. Hux froze as he felt the intruding presence in his mind and without warning his hand came up, snapping across Kylo’s face and causing the taller man to stumble a little at the shock.

“Stay out of my head!” Hux hissed, although his voice lacked conviction as he was still struggling to calm his breathing. “And get out!”

“Why are you panicking?” Kylo asked, once again keeping his place. “You killed your father. He’s gone. Why are you thinking of him?”

Hux looked at him, dumbfounded, before his eyes grew hard beneath his tears. “Could I not ask you the same thing, Ren? Why are you thinking of your father when he is gone? Dead. Killed by you!”

“It’s a different-.”

“What?” Hux interupted, “Different situation? Is it really? You were saying we were in similar situations not five minutes ago.”

“Let me finish,” Kylo growled, his concern for the General’s state pushed down by a growing anger. Hux glared at him, unafraid as he had always been but once again Kylo heard a thought flash through his mind that wasn’t his.

_Don’t push me, Ren. I will not be pushed down again._

Forcing himself to speak with a gentler voice, Kylo assessed Hux’s condition. “The Light side of the Force still pulls to me. I believed killing my Father, destroying that connection would have helped. And it didn’t. You said you killed your father to free yourself of the influence he had over you. So why do you still go into a panic when you think of him, speak of him, remember him? Are you as weak as he said?”

Words that would have normally had Hux seething with anger seemed to have the opposite effect this time, and Kylo immediately regretted saying them. Hux seemed to curl in on himself, his breathing rapidly deteriorating again as his panic began to rise. He stepped away from Kylo, his whole body shaking and crouched down again, his back resting against his desk to help with his balance. Kylo felt himself kneeling down in front of him, reaching out a tentative hand. Hux flinched, but didn’t push his hand away.

“Hux,” He said quietly, “Why does he still frighten you?”

“I think…sometimes that he isn’t really dead. Sometimes I feel his presence, an overwhelming hatred and disgust for me.” Hux whispered, his words broken up by his gasps and sobs, “If I had failed…failed to kill him…it would just cement the truth about me. I’m a failure.”

“You can’t listen to what that man says!” Kylo said firmly, “You’re not a failure, Hux.”

“Why do you care?” Hux snapped, “Why? Why are you even here? Is this part of my punishment, for my failure? For Starkiller’s destruction?”

Kylo paused, realising Hux was referring to Snoke and suddenly the Supreme Leader’s intentions seemed a little less clear. He had believed that Snoke had wanted Kylo to talk to Hux because Hux had already been in Kylo’s position and had managed to utilise his feelings into something helpful, allowing him to continue being the most ruthless General in the First Order. But Hux clearly had never dealt with the emotional fallout of killing his father, and the mere thought of Brendol Hux brought Armitage Hux to his knees, a panicked mess. Was it a punishment?

“I can help you.” Kylo said suddenly. There was a desire in his gut to help Hux, to help him realise he was not weak, not a failure, that there was nothing wrong with him and Brendol Hux had been wrong. His own heart still ached from the murder of Han Solo but for the first time since he had committed the act Kylo had a clear mind, and a clear goal.

“I don’t need your help.” Hux replied, his head buried in his knees, struggling again to keep his breathing and sobs under control, “Just leave me. It will pass.”

“No.” Kylo argued. “This isn’t going to be something the Supreme Leader can torture you with anymore Hux. Stand up!” He commanded, using the Force to implement the order into Hux’s mind and make him stand. The General was still shaking, still crying, still panicked, but he calmed slowly as Kylo continued his previous ministrations, allowing the Force to almost caress Hux’s mind and slowly destroy the thoughts that were affecting him.

“Why do you want to help?” Hux asked, voice slightly hoarse. “You hate me.”

“I…disagree with you.” Kylo chose his words carefully as he considered Hux’s mental state. Calm but not collected, the General could take any more harsh words from Kylo today. “We don’t see eye to eye. Which is normal since you are not Force sensitive and I am. But I don’t hate you Hux. It’s an angle the Supreme Leader has played, but I…respect you. You have so much power, so much control over the First Order, and you didn’t have – don’t have – any Force born powers. It’s really impressive. You could take this Galaxy by yourself, if you put your mind to it.”

Hux glared but didn’t speak. Kylo could tell he didn’t believe a word he had said, so he decided he was going to show the Hux exactly what he meant. “I can prove that no one thinks you’re a failure. Your crew still respect you.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Hux asked, sceptical but quiet.

Kylo didn’t respond, merely gestured for Hux to follow him. The General’s office had a window that allowed him to view the bridge, and Kylo knew that he had a speaker installed as well so if he wanted to listen to the gossip going on whilst he wasn’t there he could. Hux followed, reluctant to leave his room with his face red from crying. After a moment of thinking, Kylo handed Hux his mask and wrapped his outer robe around him to disguise his First Order uniform.

“If you think-.” Hux began.

“Do you want to walk this ship with it so obvious you’re on the edge?” Kylo asked simply.

Hux said nothing, merely put the mask on and Kylo clipped it into place. The robe was too big for him, but Hux held it discreetly so it would hang the same way it did on Kylo. They passed a few crew members on the way to Hux’s office, and Kylo wiped their minds with the Force after they had passed, so they wouldn’t remember seeing them. Hux couldn’t see very well in Kylo’s mask, their face shapes were different so the slit for Kylo’s eyes didn’t match up with Hux’s eyes, but he knew the ship so well it wasn’t obvious. They reached his office before long, and Hux entered first. Immediately he pulled to try and get the mask off. Kylo smirked and unclipped it first.

“How do you walk in that?” Hux asked.

“I’m used to it.” Kylo replied, crossing to the window. As they had been walking Kylo had identified a random soldier walking through the halls and had forced himself into his mind, ordering him to walk to the bridge and begin a rumour about the Hux that the crew was sure to react to. They had reached Hux’s office before the soldier had reached the bridge, so it allowed Kylo time to install Hux in front of the window and turn the speaker on. The bridge was quiet, the crew working and occasionally passing a few words between them. Kylo hid his smile when the crew member he had control over walked onto the bridge and approached the station where Mitaka, Unamo and Thanisson were standing together, conversing too quietly for the speaker to pick up.

“What can I do for you, soldier?” Mitaka asked when he noticed the crew member standing awkwardly next to them. Kylo couldn’t hide his smile this time, whenever Hux wasn’t around Mitaka tried to imitate his actions and his cold demeanour, although the man was too afraid to do so when Hux was around.

“There’s a rumour going around, Lieutenant,” The soldier spoke as Kylo projected the words into his mind, “About General Hux that I thought you should hear.”

“Spit it out then.” Mitaka ordered.

The soldier paused, as Kylo was trying to think of the best way to word it. Hux stood silently next to him, still shaking and pale.

“The Supreme Leader,” The soldier began, “He has plans for Hux’s punishment, as he failed to protect Starkiller Base. He says he’s going to demote him and abandon him on a Resistance Outpost for them to find him and do as they please with him.”

Hux bristled at the words and glanced at Kylo, who kept his face as neutral as possible. The General was trying to glean any information about whether Kylo had known about this or not, and Kylo knew his face gave away his emotions too easily so he wouldn’t have been able to lie had he met Hux’s eyes. He kept his eyes on the soldier and eventually Hux turned his attention back to them as well, opening his mouth to say something.

“That’s ridiculous!” Mitaka exclaimed before Hux could speak and silencing him. “This fail isn’t the General’s fault!”

“A weapon that size had to have something like that in it, an output for all that power, or the planet would have exploded long before.” Unamo agreed, “And no one but General Hux could have made an entire planet into a weapon. Even the Death Star pales in comparison.”

“The Resistance gets one small win and it seems like the end of the world for the Supreme Leader.” Mitaka continued, “General Hux will rebuild us, stronger and better, like him. We’ve beat back the Resistance so many times before why should this be a big setback?”

“They can get to Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi.” The soldier mentioned, as Kylo ordered him to.

“So?” Mitaka asked drily, unimpressed, “People aren’t just going to suddenly start waking up and suddenly be amazing at using the Force. They’ll need training, and we can find those that have awoken before the Resistance. Lord Ren and the Supreme Leader can sense them, and we have bigger and faster ships, and more men and loyal sympathisers. General Hux is strong enough and clever enough to turn this into a bigger victory for us all. They have one Jedi, we have him.”

Hux had had enough and crossed to the speaker to shut it off. The three officers continued their discussion below them, unaware that their General had heard their words of support. Kylo watched Hux carefully, wondering if that had helped him or not.

“Why did you think I would care what the crew think of me?” Hux asked, no conviction in his voice.

“It does.” Kylo said, “I know it does. The fact that your crew sees you as strong, and doesn’t believe one small failure can hold you back means everything to you.”

“It was you.” Hux realised, “You made the soldier say those things. Snoke hasn’t even mentioned any sort of punishment for me yet, has he?”

“No.” Kylo admitted, “But it helped you.”

“And you?” Hux inquired softly, “What would help you with Han Solo?”

“You did, actually,” Kylo replied, “I don’t think the Supreme Leader intended it to, but seeing you…like you were before cleared my mind. My heart…it aches because he is dead and there is still a part of me that is…pulled towards the Light Side, but my turmoil has calmed.”

“I’m glad my distress caused you to get some closure on your own father’s death.” Hux spat.

“Enough Hux,” Kylo said firmly, “Just drop the act. I know you still feel like crying. You’re barely holding your breathing together.”

Hux looked at him, several emotions flitting through his eyes.

“You have made me understand one thing, Hux,” Kylo continued softly, “Thing will continue to haunt us and hold influence over us as long as we allow them too.”

“Do you think I could just let go what my father has done to me?” Hux asked harshly, “It made me who I am.”

“And you’ll still be that man,” Kylo confirmed, “But instead of the past dragging you down it will bolster you.”

“Then why do you try to destroy your past?” Hux whispered, looking up at Kylo again, his green eyes fearful. “You were Ben Solo once. Why are you trying to destroy your past, instead of embracing it and moving on?”

Kylo was stumped at his questions, opening and closing his mouth as he tried to find the words to reply. Hux had a good point and Kylo found himself questioning Snoke’s decision to destroy Ben Solo. Kylo himself believed the words he had just said, they were not empty, and they were words Han Solo had once murmured to his son, when he had asked his father about his past as a smuggler and his father had explained that past acts don’t have to be used against you, if you don’t allow them to. He had once been Ben Solo, a user of the Light side of the Force, on his way to becoming a Jedi. Ben Solo, who had felt the pull of the Dark his entire life, had been terrified of it and had had parents that didn’t understand, had thought it was just the ramblings of a child. He had embraced the Dark Side and gone to what would become the First Order and he had done so in spite of his parents. Ben Solo was not dead, he was still inside Kylo Ren, but Kylo Ren was the more evolved form. The realisation shook him.

“Ren?”

Hux’s voice broke through the haze that seemed to have descended on Kylo. Combining the powers of the Light and Dark side of the Force was not something entirely unheard of, and it was sometimes brought more tremendous power. Denying the Dark was too hard to do, as was denying the Light. Should he learn to balance them, Kylo might finally find some peace. Kylo’s eyes met Hux’s, the latter confused at Kylo’s silence, and it fell into place.

Hux was that middle ground. He kept Kylo firmly cemented in the Dark Side, but he gave him such clear reminders of his past that he allowed him to tap into the Light Side as well, without fear.

“Why are you staring at me?” Hux asked, confused and Kylo finally found his voice.

“I just…realised something.” He mumbled, “The Supreme Leader was wrong.”

Hux raised an eyebrow, even more confused than before. The conversation had moved away from his precarious emotional state, which he was glad for, but his heart was still pounding and he knew one wrong thing could tip him back over the edge. Cursing Snoke for making Kylo mention it, and himself for telling the story, and Brendol Hux for existing, Hux waited for Kylo to elaborate.

“I shouldn’t just be using the Dark powers of the Force. It’s hard, it tears me apart to deny the Light side of the Force and I’ve never truly been able to shake it. But I also can’t shake the Dark side either, thanks to the Supreme Leader. I need to be somewhere in the middle.” Kylo was rambling and he could tell that Hux was still confused. The General did not understand the dynamics of the Force, the Dark and the Light side, and probably had no idea what Kylo was talking about but it was a strong revelation for him, and he needed to get it out there, for someone else to hear it and comment on it.  
“You are that middle ground, Hux.” Kylo breathed, stepping closer to Hux.

Hux took a step back. “What?”

“You’re my middle ground.” Kylo repeated, “You allow me to tap into both the Dark and the Light. I am my most powerful around you. The Supreme Leader sent me to you for punishment, but I’ve just…found out that I don’t need him. I need you.”

“Ren I-.”

Hux trailed off as Kylo went to one knee in front of him, his cheeks suddenly cherry red.

“General,” Kylo stated firmly, one arm across his chest in a salute, “Allow me to swear my loyalty to you. The strongest, most powerful man in the First Order, and soon to be Emperor of the Galaxy, if you will allow me to serve you.”

Hux seemed lost for words. How had they come from his childhood abuse and belief that he was weak to this? To Kylo Ren on his knees in front of him, claiming that he didn’t want to follow Snoke anymore, he wanted to follow Hux instead?

“Get up,” He said shakily and Kylo did. “I don’t understand what you mean, Ren, and where all this is suddenly coming from but-.”

“I’ve never hated you, Hux.” Kylo interupted, kicking himself when Hux flinched again and fell silent immediately. “These feelings, they’ve been inside me for a while but in my torment, I never noticed them. And now, it feels like my mind is clearer than it has ever been. Thanks to you.”

“That sounds…stupid.” Hux commented.

“I know you probably won’t understand, because you don’t understand the Force but…Hux…I can explain it to you another time. You still need to calm down.” Kylo made sure his voice stayed calm, despite the fact it was hard to hear Hux dismiss his revelation so easily. The man was emotionally compromised, and he didn’t understand the Force, so it was understandable, but it was still annoying.

“I’m fine.” Hux quipped, “Leave me alone Ky-… _Ren._ ”

Kylo started and Hux went bright red as he nearly mentioned Kylo’s chosen forename. He turned swiftly and marched from the room, still wearing Kylo’s outer robe. Kylo watched him go, and wondered whether the talk had actually helped Hux all that much, or if it had just provided him with a chance to finally sort out his head.

_I’ll talk to him again,_ Kylo decided, _in a couple of days when he’s calmed down._ With that decided he left Hux’s office as well and decided to go to his own, and give himself a bit of time to meditate and think of how he could use both the Dark and Light of the Force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Combining the Dark and the Light....can it be done :L
> 
> the next chapter is going to contain some Hux!centric child abuse scenes.


	3. A Taste of Your Venom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has an idea to help Hux. He agrees, reluctantly and Kylo finds more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are depictions of Hux!centric child abuse in this chapter revolving around Brendol Hux. It starts when the italic text starts. I tried to keep them low-graphic.
> 
> this chapter has been split into two as it was getting really long. So chapter four will be coming soon and will be a direct continuation.

 

 

Kylo left Hux alone for three days before he made a move. The General had been portraying some self-destructive tendencies, like not eating and barely sleeping, forcing himself to work constantly and it was influencing his mood. Not that Kylo wasn’t used to Hux being in a foul mood, but it was fouler than normal and it was grating on him. In his new-found clarity Kylo just wanted Hux to feel as calm as he did, and he had an idea of how to do it. 

Hux’s rooms were empty, and looked like they hadn’t been touched for a while, Kylo noticed when he first went looking for the General. They probably weren’t being used, Kylo commented to himself drily, since Hux wasn’t sleeping. The next stop was Hux’s office, and here Kylo found him, sitting at his desk, running through Datapad after Datapad, his eyes strained and his body shivering. The temperature was cold, so Hux would stay awake, and Kylo could only imagine what Hux saw when he slept. The General jumped when the dark-haired man entered his office without knocking and he scowled at Kylo.

“What do you want, Ren?” He asked, his tone as business like as usual but he was betraying his tiredness, automatically relaxing around Kylo because of his help with his panic attack. “I’m busy.”

“I’m here to help you.” Kylo replied.

Hux arched a slender eyebrow. “So you said three days ago and I believe you helped yourself more than me.”

Kylo didn’t react, merely walked further into Hux’s office and stood opposite him, arms folded. He was wearing his mask so his voice was disguised and robotic, but he knew that he never bothered Hux. “I know I did. But now that I’ve helped myself I can help you. If you’d let me?”

“Is this more of that Force crap?” Hux asked, his perfect vocabulary slipping slightly as it did when they sometimes spoke about the Force.

Kylo nodded. “I want to see into your dreams. See what’s bothering you, what memories the Supreme Leader has brought up in after you repeated the story of killing your father. I can help sooth them, help you deal with them. I…won’t say I understand how you feel because I don’t. For all the neglect, I had I was never abused. But I want to help you. I know how it feels to be afraid of failure, to be afraid of the punishment that follows.”

For once Hux didn’t argue with him. He had seen the state Kylo had been in when he had returned from training from Snoke, training their master only decided he needed when he had failed a mission. It was brutal, a punishment Hux himself was familiar with at the hands of Brendol Hux. And he was tired. He wanted nothing more than for his father’s influence to fade, to become his own man and never have to cower in fear at what the man had done to him. To be able to speak Brendol’s name with derision and not fear. And if that meant accepting help from Kylo Ren he would. Hux was a proud man but he couldn’t beat this alone. And of all the crew Kylo would understand. He wouldn’t judge, or use Hux’s past against him, that Hux was sure of.

“Alright.” He agreed quietly, “You can see into my dreams and see if you can help me. But if it doesn’t…if you hurt me we’re never doing this again.”

Kylo nodded. “I won’t invade you unless you invite me Hux, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I find that…hard to believe.” Hux snorted, “But for now I guess I’ll have to. Let’s get this over with then.”

“Now?” Kylo questioned. He hadn’t expected Hux to be so willing to go ahead with the idea, and he hadn’t prepared a proper response. Hux looked as if he was resisting from rolling his eyes.

“Is there a better time than any?” He asked, “Believe it or not Ren, I’d rather not be tortured by my dead father for any longer.”

“Okay,” Kylo said, “Let’s go to your room then.”

Hux nodded but before he left the room he came over to Kylo and gripped his arm tightly. “Any funny business, Ren.” He hissed, his breath warm on Kylo’s cheek, “And I will make you regret it. I don’t trust you, but I don’t see any other alternative than this.”

Kylo pulled his arm free. “There wouldn’t be anything remotely interesting in your head that could tempt me to do anything other than what I’ve offered.” He replied, a thinly veiled insult that Hux understood immediately. His green eyes flew between shock, anger and surprisingly, fear. Kylo had to tear his eyes away, unable to see Hux looking afraid. “Let’s go.” He said gruffly, exiting the room first and leaving Hux to hurry after him.

When they got to Hux’s room he didn’t seem to be in a rush to get into bed, stripping himself quickly of his First Order uniform and slipping into a dark shirt and grey pants before heading into his Fresher. Kylo remained in the middle of the room, glancing around it and familiarising himself with it. It was sparsely decorated with only a few personal touches, but from what Kylo had already guessed of Hux’s past he understood why the man wouldn’t want reminders of home.

“I have to tell you Ren,” Hux said as he emerged from the Fresher, hair un-gelled and falling around his face, “I don’t fall asleep easily so this might take a while.”

“I can help you fall asleep too, if you need me to.” Kylo replied, “You’ll still dream, but you’ll drop off quickly, if you want to speed things up.”

Hux didn’t look convinced, or interested, but Kylo knew immediately he was going to be using the Force to put Hux to sleep. The General wanted this finished, he didn’t really believe this might help, but he was willing to try. Sleep was hard to come by, and Kylo empathised with that, sleep was hard for him too.

“Fine.” Hux sighed, “Put me to sleep.”

He climbed into bed and lay flat on his back, arms to his side, eyes on the ceiling, but they occasionally flicked to Kylo’s face as he waited for the Force user to make his move. Kylo approached him, sitting on the edge of the bed and gently touching his palm to Hux’s forehead. Before Hux could retaliate or push him off, Kylo sent soothing feelings through the Force and the General automatically relaxed under him, closing his eyes and sighing softly. Kylo had to be careful, if he was too forceful in entering Hux’s mind he could destroy him instead of helping him, but with his newfound balance it was a lot easier to just slip inside and lull Hux to sleep.

It didn’t take long. A combination of exhaustion and Kylo’s power had Hux asleep within five minutes and Kylo withdrew his hand. He would be able to tell when Hux was dreaming, for now he just needed to wait. He decided to examine Hux instead. The shirt he was wearing clung to his thin frame and Kylo wondered how Hux had survived the harsh training he knew Brendol Hux had employed at the Academy. He looked as if he could be pushed to the ground with one finger, but his tongue was sharp and strong enough for him. Kylo moved his gaze to Hux’s face. It was strange, in the last four days, since the day he had spoken to Hux and the subsequent three days they had avoided each other he had been delving into his feelings for the General and had been surprised at what he had found. Kylo had found Hux attractive from one of the first times they had met, and he knew it was a sentiment a lot of the crew agreed with. Hux himself would never see it, Kylo mused, he thought his appearance was too weak, hence the greatcoat he wore to make himself look bigger, bulkier and more authoritative.

He looked like a doll, his pale skin a contrast to the dark sheets he was lying on. All the stress and tension has faded from his face, and Kylo decided that he wanted to see Hux look like that more. The General was beginning to shift as he fell into dreaming, and Kylo closed his eyes to rid himself of all intrusive thoughts. Hux stiffened as something in the dream upset him, and Kylo reached out with the Force gently, brushing the edges of Hux’s mind and invading his dream. He found himself lying down next to Hux, to avoid falling off the bed as the vision of Hux’s dream came to him.

\--

_Kylo found himself stood in an office with two people in front of him. One was Brendol Hux, Kylo recognised him from the vision where Hux had killed him. The other was Little Hux. He was maybe five years old, Kylo guessed, standing in front of his father looking up at him with teary eyes. Kylo decided he would stand back and watch what was occurring._

_Brendol’s gaze on his son was terrifying, as if he was looking through Little Hux instead of at him. It made Kylo feel uneasy, he had no idea how it was making young Hux feel._

_“Your test results came in.” Brendol said, his voice steely and he held a piece of paper in front of him. “Ninety-nine out of one hundred. I think we need to talk about that, boy.”_

_“Father...I’m sorry.” Little Hux whispered, not tearing his eyes from Brendol’s face, which seemed to anger the man even further. He strode forward and struck Hux across the face, sending him backwards across the floor with a cry. Kylo had to force himself to stay still, to not interfere. This was Hux’s dream, probably a memory, and he didn’t want to cause any more pain by making himself noticed._

_Little Hux picked himself back up, green eyes glued to the floor. His cheek was already red and there was a small cut under his right eye from one of Brendol’s rings. “I’m sorry.” He whispered again, hands clasped behind his back as he tried to stand straight despite his pain and fear. Brendol’s eyes bore into him and Hux hiccupped as he tried to hold back tears._

_“This isn’t your best, boy.” Brendol snapped, “This is sub-par.”_

_Kylo raised an eyebrow. Ninety-nine out of one hundred was not subpar, considering Hux’s age. He was clearly intelligent even as a child, but not enough for Brendol._

_“Your blood already smears the Hux name,” Brendol continued, every word chosen carefully to inflict the greatest amount of pain. “I don’t want your underachieving marks from your Academy to do it further, boy. What have I always told you?”_

_“That I…I am destined to rule…to rule the Galaxy.” Little Hux responded, stuttering over his words worse every time Brendol glared at him for doing so._

_“And in your present state you cannot.” Brendol stated, “You are weak, useless, you have nothing about you except my name, and even that isn’t fully yours.” The man suddenly stepped forward, bending down to Hux’s level and shouting in his face, “WEAKNESS IS NOT AN OPTION BOY, NOT IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE SUPPORTING YOU!”_

_“I’m sorry!” Little Hux cried, covering his ears as Brendol yelled at him, “I’m not weak! I won’t be weak father I’m sorry!”_

_“Hard to believe,” Brendol sniffed, speaking in normal tones again, “Seeing you as you are now. Pathetic. And a failure. I won’t stand for disappointment and failure again, boy.”_

_Little Hux nodded and opened his mouth to speak but Kylo didn’t catch his words, the dream shifting around him as Hux’s mind moved onto something else. In the small reprieve that came between Hux settling on another topic and the first scene fading, Kylo took a deep breath and tried to get his anger under control. To see Hux, normally so ruthless and confident as a small, shaking child who had to deal with Brendol Hux every day of his life, it made Kylo realise why Hux was so dedicated to success._

_Another scene began to form around him, and Kylo took a step back when he realised that Little Hux was stood right in front of him, looking at him but not seeing him. He was staring at something behind Kylo, so Kylo turned and found that he was once again watching Brendol. Ignoring the man for now Kylo turned back to Little Hux. He was older in this dream, maybe around ten years old and he was bloody, as if he had been fighting. His green eyes were a lot harder than they had been when he had been six, but there was still a glimmer of fear behind them._

_“Thank you,” Brendol was saying as he came back over to his son, “I will take him home.”_

_The scenery changed and suddenly they were all in Brendol’s office again. Little Hux was on the floor, holding his stomach and crying. Brendol’s knuckles were bloody now and he was shouting._

_“How could you get into a fight!” He yelled, “A stupid fight because a student called your mother a whore?! She was a whore, boy, she was no better than that! And you will know it always! I told you I would no longer tolerate failure but you have done nothing but fail your entire life.”_

_Brendol grabbed Hux by his hair and lifted him from his knees, forcing their eyes to meet. Hux’s hands went to Brendol’s, trying to get him to let go of him but to no avail. Kylo’s eyes narrowed, but he remained where he was stood._

_“You have not seen the full extent of my wrath, boy. If you want to, keep on disappointing me.” Brendol hissed, casting Hux away to the floor again. Hux fell, silent and avoiding Brendol’s gaze until his father spat in his direction and ordered him from the room. Kylo didn’t think he had ever seen Hux scramble away faster before._

_Once again, the scene shifted and Kylo jumped when an explosion sounded from the darkness surrounding him. Pain filtered through the dream as well and this time when he finally got his bearings Kylo realised he was stood in the ruin of a large building. Or part of a large building. There were shouts and screams all around him and Kylo looked around frantically to find Hux. Finally, he spotted him, pinned under some of the rubble of the building. His orange hair was in disarray, and he was bleeding from a wound to his temple. He couldn’t have been older than a teenager as he tried feebly to escape, crying out for his father. Kylo turned and found Brendol not too far away, looking in horror as the building around him crumbled further, looking everywhere but at his son._

_The pieces fell into place and Kylo realised this was the siege of the Academy on Arkanis, when Brendol and Hux had been rescued. Why was this a nightmare to Hux? As soon as he had asked the question Kylo found the answer._

_“Father!” Hux cried, reaching out his free arm to get his father’s attention, “Please! Help me!”_

_Brendol ignored him although Kylo was sure he could hear his son’s desperate cries. A man approached him and spoke quietly._

_“We’re here to get you out Commandant.” The man said. Kylo didn’t recognise him but he didn’t care, looking back and forth between father and son as dread settled in his stomach. Brendol was prepared to leave Hux to die, crushed as he was under the building. His only son wasn’t worth the effort to him to save._

_“It’s about time.” Brendol said, turning his back completely on Hux. “Let’s go then.”_

_“Sir.” The man said, “I have been ordered to collect both you and your son.”_

_Brendol sighed, “Fine. Go and get him then.”_

_Kylo took an involuntary step back_ _when the man walked past him over to Hux and cleared the rubble to help him escape. Hux stood on shaky feet, his uniform bloodstained and with barely any energy. The man had to support him over to Brendol and Kylo could see the stranger clearly assumed the Commandant would take his son but Brendol merely stared at him and walked off, leaving the man to half drag Hux after them._

_The urge to Force choke Brendol Hux was rising in him, but Kylo knew if he interfered in Hux’s dreams it could damage the memory or the man, so he resisted and followed. The scene quickly shifted and suddenly they on board a shuttle. Hux was being cared for by a droid, his breaths coming in short bursts. Brendol was talking to the stranger about who had sent him to rescue the two Hux’s, ignoring the way the younger Hux’s hand stretched for him, seeking comfort, anything from his father. Kylo’s heart nearly stopped at the sight. He had reached out in the same way to his parents before, but they had dismissed his fears and told him to go back to sleep. Here Hux lay, injured and afraid, and his father was ignoring him. It made Kylo’s blood boil._

_Brendol’s attention finally went to Hux and he made his way over to him. Hux didn’t meet his gaze, keeping his eyes just below Brendol’s face._

_“I’m sorry for my weakness, father.” He said immediately and Kylo wanted to vomit. “I failed to protect myself, or to get us to safety. I won’t fail again.”_

_“You promise me that every time boy, but you always do.” Brendol spat harshly, “Look at you, so weak you couldn’t even escape from a bit of dirt. Why did I think you could ever do anything to make me proud? Weak, pathetic and a failure, that’s all you’ve ever been boy, and it’s all you ever will be. Even if you lead the most powerful armed force in the Galaxy you’d still find a way to fail it. I feel sorry for anyone that decides to use you in a role other than what you are good for. Which, is nothing.”_

_Hux was crying freely when Brendol had finished his tirade, hiccupping again and mumbling for his father to forgive him._

_“DON’T MUMBLE!” Brendol roared, “YOU DO NOT MUMBLE AS A HUX. YOU STATE WHAT YOU WANT PROUDLY AND IF YOU AREN’T GIVEN IT THEN YOU TAKE IT! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT, BOY?!_

_Hux physically recoiled, and the look on his face showed the action was painful but he couldn’t help it. It was a reflex, Kylo realised. Hux flinched automatically at anything too loud, too close to him, because he assumed it was going to hurt him, chastise and belittle him like his father had._

_Just as he began to pull himself free, unable to watch anymore, the dream changed again. It wasn’t surprising to him as Hux had an overactive and loud mind when he was awake, it was typical his mind would go through dream after dream whilst he was sleeping, torturing him whilst he was sleeping._

_This time Kylo was on the Finalizer, on the bridge, and he saw himself striding towards Hux. It was just after the Resistance pilot had escaped and he came very close to Hux. Hux didn’t flinch but Kylo remembered sensing something like fear coming from him. There was something else as well. He hadn’t sensed it at the time but now he was seeing this dream from Hux’s mind, he felt it. A craving. An urge to pull Kylo’s helmet off and kiss him. To beg him not to be disappointed, that he could fix this and he wasn’t a failure. This one small setback would not stop them in their ultimate goal. Hux cared deeply what Kylo felt of him, and his heart was beating rapidly as Kylo spoke to him. Kylo belittled him, called him weak, and Hux didn’t want him to think that. It was too close to how Brendol felt, and he wanted something else from Kylo. The feeling that Kylo was getting, it felt…like love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos and hits and bookmarks you guys are the best /o/


	4. Never Looking Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished! /o/ i feel this fic was a little jumbled lmao but i'm quite happy with how it came out. It's probably the quickest i've finished a multi-chapter fic :L   
> thank you again so much to everyone who read it, left kudos and bookmarked it! there are definitely more kylux fics to come.

 

 

With more force than he intended Kylo pulled free of Hux’s dreams and sat up on the bed. Anger was still curling inside his gut at the way Brendol Hux had treated his son but his mind was reeling from the last part of the dream. Before he had proper time to dwell on it Hux stirred next to him and then sat bolt upright, sweating from the nightmares and pale.

Kylo put a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

“You saw my dreams,” Hux spat, “What do you think?!”

“Stop.” Kylo said gently, “Don’t put up defences Hux. We need to talk about what we saw, you need to let me in.”

“Why?!” Hux demanded, raking a hand through his hair in frustration. “How will talking help?! All my life I’ve talked and talked and it’s time for action! Damn it Ren what do you want?!”

Kylo reached over and took hold of Hux’s face. Before the General could complain or pull away he captured his lips in a gentle kiss. “Because I care about you, Hux,” He murmured against Hux’s lips, “And I want to help you.”

Hux pulled away as if burnt but Kylo was still in tune to his mind and he knew that the other man wasn’t averse to the kiss, he was just confused. Kylo took hold of his arm again. Hux didn’t pull away or speak this time.

“Will you tell me?” Kylo asked, “About what we saw in the dreams. Help me explain, help me to help you.”

Hux sighed and shifted so he was sitting more comfortably in the bed. He didn’t remove Kylo’s hand from his arm.

“The first dream…there isn’t really much to explain.” He began, “I hadn’t gotten full marks and my father demanded perfection. My mother…she was a kitchen worker I believe…I wasn’t his legitimate child, but as my mother died shortly after childbirth he had to raise me.” Hux paused and took a breath. Kylo could tell he was trying to keep a rising panic under control, a panic that took over every time he talked about Brendol Hux.  
“My father liked to use the fact against me, although it was his fault. I never knew my mother and I wasn’t allowed to grieve her either. Her blood tainted me, making half a Hux and my father wouldn’t accept failure from me. He always blamed her if I did fail, and I did too. I never knew her. It felt natural to blame her.”

“But that changed?” Kylo guessed.

“As the next dream showed. You’re lucky Ren,” Hux gave a forced smile, “My dreams don’t normally fit together so well.”

“Your mind is crying out for help.” Kylo said, “So it’s doing all it can.”

“Maybe,” Hux shrugged, “As I grew older I realised it wasn’t my mother’s blood that caused me to fail. It was because I was weak and pathetic and I needed to get better. When people insulted my mother, I got angry. She didn’t deserve it. She had probably been unable to stop my father from having sex with her and she hadn’t planned a child. And yet there I was. My father would beat me if I got into fights, to add to the pain I already felt. I never won fights, never. I was too weak. I think that probably annoyed him more. If I had won the fights…” Hux trailed off, blinking rapidly to stop himself from crying before he continued. Kylo absently rubbed his arm with his thumb to comfort him, slipping off his glove as he did so he was touching Hux’s skin. Hux flushed and carried on speaking.  
“That third dream…I have that one a lot. The New Republic attacked Arkanis, because the Academy was churning out soldiers and officers that could oppose them. I was in the Academy when they attacked and so was my father. As you saw I got trapped. And he didn’t help me. If that man hadn’t told him that we both had to escape he would have left me there to die. And I would have deserved it.”

“No.” Kylo growled, startling Hux into looking at him, “You wouldn’t have deserved it Hux. All you ever did was strive to make your father proud and all he could see when he looked at you was a mistake that he had made. A mistake that could rule the galaxy if he put his mind to it.”

“I was never good enough for him.” Hux said flatly, “Even if I did rule the galaxy he’d find some fault, he always did. And I couldn’t blame him. He was right. Even when I became a General I still messed up. Starkiller...that was my fault.”

“You heard what your crew said,” Kylo argued, “That one small problem won’t set you back for long. It was an amazing achievement and the Resistance got lucky and that’s it. Hux, you said you killed your father to free yourself of his influence why do you keep believing what he has said?”

Hux stared at him, stumped by the question. “It’s hard.” He eventually replied, “I lived that way my entire life, being told I was weak and pathetic. And you told me I was too and I always tried my best around you. My best is never good enough.”

“Hux I…you are weak. Physically.” Kylo said quickly when he saw the hurt flash in Hux’s eyes. “But you don’t need to be physically strong. Your mind is the strongest part of you, and you’re incredibly intelligent. You have me, and all your Stormtroopers and soldiers to be physically strong for you. They would all die for you, for your ideals, I would…tear apart anyone that stood in your way.”

“Ren…” Hux breathed, his hand covering Kylo’s were it lay on his arm. “I don’t…I mean…you always seemed to hate me.”

“I did,” Kylo confirmed, “I did hate you Hux when we first met and you hated me too. But…it’s hard because I only really realised this in the last few days, but I grew to love you. Your strength, your practicality, your ability to think on your feet and the fact that you aren’t afraid of me. You stand up to me even though there’s something that tells you I could snap you in half with a wave of my hand. You won’t stop until you achieve your goals and I love that. And I know you want that from me. You want me to love you because you love me too.”

“You…you saw that last dream?” Hux asked, face pale.

Kylo nodded, “I did. It’s sudden and it’s scary and I’m sure that it isn’t how you ever believed this would happen, if you ever did at all. But I would…stand by your side Hux and face the entire galaxy with you, not the Supreme Leader or anyone else.”

“As any loyal dog would.” Hux said, attempting to sneer and Kylo laughed.

“I can help you further. Continue to support you, talk through what your father said to you and prove to you why it isn’t true. And when you sit on the Galactic throne and the entire galaxy is on its knees in front of you, you’ll see it too.” Kylo said sincerely, “I want nothing more than that Hux.”

“Did me telling you the story of my father’s death really do this to you?” Hux asked.

Kylo nodded. “I told you didn’t I? I’ve realised I need both the Light and the Dark. I can’t go back to the Light because I can’t lose you. And I will never be free of the Light. With you I can combine them and use them to become more powerful than ever before. You will give me the strength to become an unstoppable force.”

Hux nodded slowly, his panic fading as Kylo’s words really hit him. He glanced up and met Kylo’s eyes again, a faint blush on his cheeks. “You would take on the galaxy for me?” He asked quietly, reaffirming it for himself.

“I would.” Kylo agreed, “Even the Supreme Leader himself.”

Hux’s eyes filled with tears and he suddenly launched himself at Kylo. Kylo opened his arms to receive him and hugged Hux close. All Hux had been crying for his entire life was for someone to believe and care about him. Kylo had been the same when he had gone by the name Ben, and Hux did. The quickened pace when Kylo came back from Snoke injured, the edge of worry to his tone as he called for a Medical assistant, the dreams he clearly had about Kylo. The General didn’t show it all the time, but together they would be unstoppable, pushing each other to further glory with everything they had ever dreamed of between them.

As Hux sobbed into his chest, overwhelmed by the myriad of emotions in his head, Kylo thought on Snoke. The Supreme Leader had definitely intended for this to be a punishment for Hux. Kylo, he would deal with later, and clear him of all guilt over Han Solo’s death, but Hux he would leave to suffer without a second glance. Hux was important to the First Order, he was one of the most powerful men in the Order and he was definitely the most intelligent. Therefore, killing him or injuring him so badly he never recovered was out of the question, but breaking his mind and making it easier for Snoke to control him definitely was. The outcome would be unexpected to the Supreme Leader, blind as he was to proper human emotion.

“Ren.” Hux said softly, pulling back and interrupting Kylo’s thoughts. “Kiss me?”

Smiling, Kylo nodded and gently took Hux’s lips again. Hux melted into him, and his mind told Kylo he had wanted to do this for a while, to feel soft lips against him as a validation that he was wanted, cared for and strong enough to deserve someone. The kiss was salty because of Hux’s tears, but as Kylo gently lay Hux down onto the bed and straddled his thin frame the tear stopped and a smile formed on the General’s face.

The galaxy could wait, Kylo decided.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic wasn't supposed to be multi-chaptered but i got ideas :L thanks for reading!


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